13-walpurgis night

Happy Walpurgisnacht my dear! You know what Walpurgis night is, don't you? If you don't I'll explain it, it's the eve of the first day of may, it's a big celebration, a peregrination to the highest peak of the Brocken mountain! You don't believe how fun it is, and after so much time I had the opportunity to attend this event. We had so much fun, and I drank so much, for the first time my human body is feeling the pain and discomfort of the hangover. Still I couldn't be more happier, since I seem to remember everything that happened... at least I remember things that will keep me in a good mood for a long while.

I knew that Faust would accept to go, going to a place like that was what he needed. Even if he had come to terms with everything that happened recently, he still seemed sad and bitter. I had to cheer him up, and I did.

I saw many faces that I haven't seen in decades, bodies who carry the greatest legends of humankind, demons and curious angels alike, witches and sorcerers. Everyone was talking, laughing, dancing, drinking and making love around a great fire that was the devil himself. Still, all the turmoil, the music and the sound of the wood cracking was bothering us a little bit, so I wanted to go down a little bit to a more quiet place, and when I noticed, Faust was at the other side of the fire, being dragged by a group of witches to make him play along with them. It was some tough work to get him back, but we finally were walking arm in arm. He first showed himself super shy, not being used to being surrounded by that kind of people, and I joked about me being his escort and him being the pretender! It was no joke though since I really wanted him to get friendly with some young witch and let him enjoy himself with her, but still, it was early. We went to sat by a small bonfire with some old acquaintances, and Faust slowly loosened himself up, got relaxed with every cup of wine he drank. He eventually ended up dancing along many devilish damsels and witches. From time to time he would switch partners because the girls would playfully prank him, or show their true frightening forms. I couldn't help but laught at his reactions while sitting in front of the fire. My body was really cold in that moment, I remember, and the heat from the flames made the flesh under my skin get all tingly.

When I was distracted gossiping and chatting with witches and sorcerers who knew me or requested my help, Faust stopped and sat beside me. He looked kind of disturbed, and saddened. He said to me that he saw a lone girl on a corner who reminded him of Margaret. Shit, I thought, everything will go downhill from there. But no, I noticed the illussion that she was casting all over herself. “Oh, I know her, she's nothing but a skilled illusionist to deceive men. Medusa is her name” I told Faust, and quickly grabbed him by his hands to get his attention. “What a frightening look, don't even glance at her, you'll be turned into stone. Look at me instead, I'll keep you safe” He spent some seconds looking into my face with certain confusion, probably provoked by the wine's spells, and then laughed, showed me a smile, and asked me for another cup of wine. I instantly asked him why the big smile. He told me that I had a bigger one, and after a slight pause he kept talking “And you're deceiving me again, because it makes you look more human than you should.” I felt my cheeks burning, and I got all dizzy again.

A couple hours went, the day finally reached it's peak and now it was May First. Faust already grabbed me as his dancing partner, we drank like animals until we couldn't walk no more, we heartily laughed into each other face's as we fell together to the ground and got our clothes decorated with grass and flowers. We probably wouldn't get up if there weren't some small faeries ready to help us stand up on our feet. I remember there was a play in the mountain, but I barely remember what it was about -some wedding, or something like that-.I wasn't paying attention at all, Faust wouldn't let me, he was sitting behind me, resting his face over my shoulder, holding my hands and only releasing them to play with my hair and fix a small flower crown that a witch apprentice gave to me. I was nuzzling into Faust's body, kind of falling asleep over him, but I know that he could feel my human heart beat incredibly fast. He hold me close, he let me lie against him and rest a little bit from the world that was constantly revolving around me, making me dizzy and nauseous. He was constantly smiling with a little bit of smugness, I could see him smile even if he tried to hide his face behind my curls. Oh, how he filled this cold and empty body with quivering emotions... It was the first time a human made me feel that way. He made me feel so vulnerable. And I didn't need to be mistreated, nor manhandled, nor disrespected. I only needed to... feel loved. I only needed to feel yearned for, to feel a couple of arms around me, to feel caresses over my cold skin, to receive shy kisses on my forehead and the palms of my hands. I felt true fright in that exact same moment. And it was okay.

The rest of the night he made me promise a lot of things, things that I shouldn't have promised but I did anyway, and all because I just let myself go between a couple of loving hands. Was I really this weak all this time? And I don't know how to feel about this all... It worries me. It worries me that I'm worried about this, it isn't like me, but still I never felt so alive before and it makes me so happy. And I just wish he would praise my smile again.

Make me feel human again

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