Big and very tragic update today. In this entry I'm announcing two deaths. Margaret's mother and brother have passed away. First it was her mother, two days later was the turn of his brother.

I told you about this in the last entry, didn't I? I'm glad Faust didn't even try to ask me about all of this. Seems he actually knew what was going on and probably expecting this outcome. It's nice to see them taking responsability of what happening, or at least not blaming others on their own actions

I will accept that I had a little bit of participation on the brother's death though... Yes, I also didn't know that she had a brother, it was a big surprise for us. His name was Valentin, and we didn't get to know much about him. We encountered him two nights ago, Faust was babbling about getting some gifts to comfort Margaret. I wasn't paying much attention, I was just trying to lift my master's mood, so I was carrying my guitar from place to place, singing instead of talking. I'm not sure if it helped though... Since he only got irritated, hehe! Okay, so then Valentin saw us at the door of Margaret's house while I was in the middle of one of my songs. “Katrina dear, Katrina dear, what are you doing here, at your lover's door?” I sang, and saw the man approaching us. If I were paying attention I probably would have noticed that he was filled with rage, and probably would still have my guitar alongside me... Because he took it and smashed it on the floor, and then instantly jumped on us with his blade. I won't lie, he was strong, and I was very frustrated by the incident- I lost my favourite guitar! But still no one can win a duel against the devil, I summoned a sword from the other side and I could immobilize him without many efforts. But I wouldn't be doing the dirty work myself, since Valentin had business with Faust and not with me. “You, you bastard! You are the one who took my sister's innocence! Monster!” He cried as my blade was delicately pressed against his neck. Faust couldn't say anything, I encouraged him to finish him, and he did with a clumsy stab on his stomach. The man fell on the ground slowly bleeding out from his wound, and we ran out of that place. We were so far away, but we still heard Margaret's scream.

The night passed as if nothing had happened. Faust is trying to move on as I expected, the next morning he started to talk about trying to get lucky with this place's politics, whatever, I told him that I have no problem and that I would be pleased to help him gain that kind of power and influence, but I asked him if he could just relax for a little bit, because we both are very tired. I wasn't more explicit about the reasons, but he gets it, he knows I'm doing this for his sake.

The other day we went to take a walk down the city, and we saw the poor girl crying over her brother's coffin while the other neighbours tried to push her away, calling her the most harsh words. I bet his brother revealed the truth about Margaret on his deathbed... Honestly, I can't help but feel sad for her. And surprisingly, when Faust saw her he quickly looked away, as if he had never known her.

NOW I was surprised. That evening we went back home silently, I was the first one to speak. I do not pretend to intrude his feelings, I don't want to mess up our... his situation even more, but still, I was so confused, I had to bring it up somehow. I asked him why he doesn't marry her. “How would I marry her? I'm not a christian man.” I asked him what about just taking her to another place where no one knew them, start their life again, he could ask for it and I would comply. “That was never my intention, Mephisto.” Oh, I thought to myself. So that was all. There never was a compromise from Faust's side, he was only messing with a girl he picked from a crowd.

He was so anxious. I saw him walking in circles, roaming his own home as if it was unknown to him searching for something to do, probably trying his best to not open one of the books stacked in every corner. I do open them though, and even learn new things from them. I've never done this, should I feel sad about it? Because it means I'm incredibly bored, but I feel like I found a little piece of peace. It makes me a somewhat happy, it's the kind of...simple but genuine happiness you feel when you have just what you want. I felt human, and that's maybe what I want after all. And I'm excited despite all the horrible things that just happened, because I think I'll get to stay here for a longer time. Also, Faust is treating me more as an equal. He eventually ruins everything up but hey, it's an improvement! Last night he approached me, asking me with certain shyness if I would like to go out with him to drink something. “Oh, do you want to? You know you have the last word master.” I asked, but he insisted in knowing what I wanted to do. “Well... It would be good. I'm getting fed up of seeing you walk around in circles!.” I answered. I always have to be a little bit aggressive, I can't let my guard down! So that night we went out to drink to the same pub we went for the first time. And I was starting to prepare myself to bear his sadness, but surprisingly as he drank he didn't get sad, he got... a little bit bitter and sarcastic? Venting all his problems with ironic remarks. He made me laugh a lot. “Loving really takes much more responsability than giving your soul away to the devil I see.” He said, and I giggled. “I'm not skilled in that matter. We don't know how to love” I saw him grinning a smile on his face. “Yeah, don't worry. I won't blame you anymore. I'll just have to accept I'm... as miserable as everyone. And if I want to improve I'll have to work hard.”

Acceptance, a good omen. Faust left the pub as if he was leaving his decaying body there, wearing a new one, he walked without waiting for me, without looking back, but still I'm sure he knew I was following him. He knows I would follow him to the end of the world, for whatever reason... I would reach up to him and keep walking by his side. By his side... what has death awaiting for me? I thought. That card that I faced upside down some nights ago, what does it means for me? What is the change I'm resisting that will lead me to the devil again? Can I make my mind up quickly and finally accept what I want for me before anything bad happens? Will I have my happy ending? But I'm so afraid, my dear.

prev next