I think we look nice together.
I'm sorry to keep bothering you with my feelings, but I'm so stressed right now, I feel weird and disgusting. Disgusting because I found out that I'm not mad, I'm just a little jealous, that can be the reason or the consequence of me liking Faust a little bit. It's normal for me to like my masters out of feelings of jealousy and envy, but who knows what is really going through my head. I'm just really lean towards vulnerable people like him, and I can't help getting attached. I wish he would again get closer, looking for some comfort in my arms, I wish I could make him cry, I want to wipe his tears away from his face again.
Faust has a burden of many years, he is a mature adult, but he still looks very handsome. His skin is very pale and easily shows the warmest shades of pink, his eyes are black and so is his hair. Before, he wore it long and unkept, and the first thing I did with him is cutting it and giving him a clean shave, and I ended up perplexed at how attractive he looked when well groomed. He has a manly stare, but he's always clenching the muscles around his forehead, not in an aggresive demeanor but in a scared one. He constantly looks worried about something, uncomfortable. I always scold him for that, but I think he looks adorable, how he's always on the defensive.
He's a little bit taller than me, I catch up to him when I wear my heels. I haven't talked much about my appearance, right? I know I talked about how confused this body makes me feel, but most of the time I have a healthy relationship with it. Now I'm wearing my hair long, it's curly and it has a nice orange tone. I look like an adult male, one that wants to attract attention from other males, kind of. When I'm engaged to a woman I try my best to look like a normal man and highligh my masculine features, but I just feel better looking feminine, painting my lips and nails and wearing high heels and corsets to shape my figure.
But that means nothing. Actually I enjoy the company of women much more, and I prefer them over men. They are so much soft, delicate and vulnerable, much more passionate and romantic. Men act as if they were emotionally castrated, have a lot of delusions of grandeur and usually treat me like shit.
Maybe I like Faust because his passive attitude... I'm such a comformist. But still he has showed me a little bit of emotion, and that's what captivated me, and I wish to stay with him a little longer to see how far can I go ruining his life.
I think we look nice together.
I think that the more I write about him, the more I force myself to think about all of those details I like about him, and I fall more and more for him. I don't like it, and I should stop. BUT IT MAKES MY CHEST THROB WITH SO MUCH EXCITEMENT.