solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris

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homunculus, teratoma

There was no night Faust didn't thought of Margaret while striving to sleep. He didn't mention this to Mephisto, he again was ignoring her presence as he did not so long ago, when he ran across her, crying, kneeling over the cross while the neightbours insulted her, calling her a whore for bearing the child of a man she wasn't married to. Said child also haunted him to death. It was so cruelly ironic how in the old days he seeked to make his own little artificial son out of alchemy and constantly failing, and when he finally succeed to bring life to earth alongside someone he loved, he disregarded it with utter coldness.

The child had no face, no voice, no name, it appeared in his nightmares as an horrible clot of blood, teeth and eyes, being carried by Margaret's loving arms. The eyes cried real tears as she slowly suffocated it between her hands, crushing it to a bloody, lumpy pulp; and there was no weeping to be heard, there was only the most frightening and cruel silence that sometimes would turn into an unbearable whistle. The scene, aside from inflicting deadly terror on his mind, also was a way to remind him of his sins. Margaret smile didn't fade in the process, he still could feel her love, the devotion she had for him and never blown out even on her deathbed. He couldn't blame Margaret for what she has turned into, or what she has done, he was the one who drove her crazy, he was the one who left her suffering alone, he was the one who killed his own child, Margaret was only doing what he commanded her to do.

He woke from this dreams drenched in sweat, feeling his heart beating hard on his temples, with small tears forming on the corner of his tired eyes that didn't let him identify the demon in his room. Since Mephisto was used to this, he already knew that he had to bring some water and open the windows to let the air drag the nightmares away. He had to wait patiently by his side until Faust could finally calm down, after the knot in his throat untied and let him talk. “Thank you“ the man said as he took the cup between his still shaky hands, notifying that it was okay to chat a little bit.

“I'm sure that your bad dreams are an adverse effect of your hard work, Faust. The emperor is satisfied with your performance, we are doing things the right way, you shouldn't hurry too much.“
“It's okay. I'm sure I won't get rid of this if I slow down, there's no case.“
“What makes you think that?“
“I don't know, it just feels like... divine punishment.“
“God can't catch up with you if you're by my side, don't worry.“
“Yes, but she might...“

Faust stopped talking, interrupting himself to drink from the cup that the demon offered him, but without any intention of talking more about the issue. He thought that if he let some information slip from his brain, if he could open up a little bit about his sins and finally accept them, the nightmares would stop, but he was so afraid to do so, just thinking about her name made him feel a chill walking down his spine, a chill that felt like an angry spider searching for the perfect place to bite and poison, like Margaret's claws ready to sink down on his flesh. There was no need for an explanation though, Mephisto knew what he was referring to, he knew everything he was dealing with in his own mind. It satisfied him so much to be by his side and watch him squirm in despair, mostly because Faust, as the helpless human he is, seeked comfort and shelter on his own power after such episodes.

“I'll bring you some clothes so you can change.“ Said the demon, getting up from his seat on the bed, but as he tried to walk out from the room Faust called him again. “Please, bring me my glasses. My body is still sore, and I'm not ready to go to sleep.“

The demon sighed, pretending to be tired of constantly guardind his wellbeing, but still showing a big smile. “Yes, my master“ He said as every night, and finally stepped out of the room.

As he walked down the halls he offered the dark his usual frightening expression of joy, his limbs even started to shake a little bit from the expectation, he had to embrace himself, grabbing his arms and caressing his flesh to soothe the effects of the happiness he was feeling, letting go all the shaky deep breaths that would be too inappropriate to let go on another man's bed. How well he was doing his job, what a nice servant he was, how dependant made his master be of him, how delusional was Faust thinking that he was still in control of the situation, but... How weak and soft the demon was becoming for the powerless human he was taking care of. The situation was dangerous for both of them, but Mephisto was the one who was being careful, whilst Faust didn't want to think about their relationship.

When Faust finally felt better and his eyelids started to get heavy, he closed the book that he was holding but didn't took off his glasses. He wanted to watch the demon clearly for a little bit before going to sleep again. He didn't let him though, his face was resting quietly on a pillow, and the man chuckled. The demon instantly lifted his head. “What's so funny?“ asked Mephistopheles with a confused grin. “You look very comfortable.“ Answered Faust. The demon stretched in his place, and then hugged the pillow that was supporting him. “Well, these certainly are, but not enough to get me to sleep“

Faust laid down his bed, keeping certain distance but still holding Mephistophele's hand. The demon always had a welcoming smile, if he didn't look much into that expression he could stay comfortable, because there always was some malice hiding within his lips. Anyways, for safeness he closed his eyes, and focused in the contact they held, already dozing off. But there was so many things Faust wanted to say, so many things he had to discuss, to express, to let go...

“What's wrong, Master?“
“I wonder how my life would have went if I decided to stay with... Margaret.“
Faust had to do a big effort to pronounce her name, it felt bitter on his tongue.
“Do you think that it would made you happy? In that case, you would be down there with me already.“
“Ah... I always forget about that.“
“You didn't learn a thing, don't you? You're still naive as the fi-“
“I did, don't worry.“
Faust interrupted the demon. “These are just passing thoughts I have.“
“Just making sure. Hopefully you'll keep me enternained for a long, long time.“

The deal Faust has agreed to was ruthlessly cruel, only some time ago he became aware of it. He had to give up on the desire of a quiet state of happiness, he had to learn to never get satisfied, to run behind a big objective, and as he gets closer start to search for a new horizon. If he wanted a break from his constant efforts, he had to fall into deep slumber. He never imagined that ambition would feel like such a torture, such a curse. But there was a way he could avoid the sweet caresses of Mephisto turning into violent stabs opening up his body to claim his soul. If his ultimate goal was something that now was impossible and unattainable, as embracing Margaret again, to feel her loving arms around him, to hold the son he has never got to meet, he was going to be safe.