I'm not happy because it comes to a full circle. No matter how impure or noble my work is, I'm still broken by routine. I'm still apathetic, numb, now I can't feel anything, I can't cry for the people I let go, I can't fall in love. And the only time I experienced emotions it was for such a short time, feelings were taken from me isntantaneously, I fell in routine again, killing the only person who gave me joy. Why does destiny have to hurt so much? Where I can get the strenght to choose my own path?
What do I really want to be? If I don't want to be a demon full of malice, if I don't want to be an angel who has to take care of humankind.
If I don't want to be lust, nor I want to be death...
Who I want to be?
If the only time I felt whole was when the person I most loved, loved me back as an equal.
I don't want to wander alone.
I want that life force that brings individuals together, make them get close, help them survive, be intimate, make love, propagate, conquest, parent, learn, teach, fight until the day they die.
I wish I had my days counted, I wish I could strive for my life with tears running down my eyes. I wish to be small, finite, and see how much I can make out of it. I only want one opportunity at life. I want to die proud of what I achieved.
I wish my name didn't mean destruction nor death.
You got it all wrong, I don't wish to be a demon, neither I wish to be an angel. I only wish to be human
Please, who will grant me this wish? I'm giving up on my immortality and my high position, giving up on every particle that makes me divine. I don't want it anymore. Please, who will take it? I can't stand the time on my back anymore. Take everything from me. Chop off my wings, shut down my halo, take away my attire and strip me clean, send me down to earth naked as everyone is born into the world. Don't let me stand out.
Please, I just want to see him. I want to get to know him as a human, I want to know if I can get close to him and I want to know if he'll let me love him and make him happy, I want to know if I can cry between his arms and feel like we're in the same page. I'm not sure if he'll reciprocate me, but I want to try because trying is all I can do.
And I'm forgetting so many things again. My mind is getting hazy, the clouds and the sun rays already blinded me. I just escaped from the pitch black and everything is already so bright. Why won't anyone answer me? Does anyone hear my cries? Does anyone is here with me at all? I'm all by myself? Please...
Please, I feel so afraid, so trapped... when I'm alone... I feel suffocated. Please...
I'm all by myself?
Then quickly, before I lose all my strenght... Before I forget the only person who made me feel alive...