Everytime I meet Faust he's trying to kill himself. I try to help him, to fulfill his only wish just to spend as little time as possible by his side, because I'm still holding hard on the possibility of getting used to this. But it never happens, because he actually doesn't want to die. His desire to end his life is not genuine.

I even tried to kill him myself. I tried countless of times to asphixiate him with the noose he ties around his neck while his lungs cry for some air. It wouldn't be hard for me, I feel nothing for him as soon as I see his weak, defenseless body. He's nothing but a stranger. But I'm never successful, he always grabs my hands, he stutters my name as if he knows me, and I have to let him go because I get all frightened and confused,and I swear I heard him call my name, but we are still total strangers to each other.

It's so complicated. We can feel that something is going on, we are constantly wary, and there's nothing to explain, we never talk about it, because we know nothing about that feeling, about that somethings that is going on, but it's there, it's latent, it's hidden deep within ourselves, and it intensifies everytime we get close, everytime our skin touches. And it's so painful for me, his presence overwhelms me, and the memories quickly are teared from my exhausted soul to the surface of my body, and Faust has felt me crying whenever I'm hugging him, hiding my face on his back or on his chest or on his neck.

And as I pass time by his side, we aren't strangers anymore. We never were, my dear. And I finally notice that I never can get myself to kill him because we still have a promise to keep, and I must serve him. He needs me so much, I could never leave him alone. And I try my best... I try my best to make him happy, but I always end up hearing that petition, and it's now genuine. And I have to finish my job with tears running down my cheeks, and I can't help but thing how less painful it would've been if I could have just killed him the first moment we met.

And it starts all over again.

Oh Margaret, why do you make me hurt so much?